Behind These Eyes
by PuncturedQuill
Summary: Kat Metcalf was blind,has been since birth, and it’s always set her apart. For five years at Hogwarts she’s managed to be invisible, no one even knew she existed. Now the one person she doesn’t want to pay attention to her can’t seem to stay away.OC/SB
1. Chapter 1

I do not own anything apart from Kat Metcalf

_Kat Metcalf was blind, she had been since birth, and it's always set her apart. For five years at Hogwarts she's managed to be invisible, no one even knew she existed. Now the one person she doesn't want to pay attention to her can't seem to stay away. OC/SB. My first fic on here, so PLEASE go easy on me. _

_A/N – Just a quick word to any readers. This is more of a writing exercise than anything else. Far too often in my fics I find myself relying far too much on visuals. This is a challenge to myself to not use any visuals at all. I want to use other senses to describe. That's the sole reason for the OC's blindness. I want to see if I can write a whole fic without ever actually telling the reader what the characters look like etc. This opening chapter is just me getting the feel of it. I'm hoping it's going to get better._

Light and shadow. That's all she could see. It was all she could really remember having seen. Her father once asked her if she wished they could find a cure. Kat had shrugged and replied that you couldn't miss what you'd never had. It had reassured her father, but of course it wasn't strictly true. Kat wished more than anything that she could see again, but she was resigned to it now. Fate, her mother always said, gave no choices.

The sharp sound of grating metal to her left interrupted her quiet reflection and she turned her head towards the sound.

"Oh, didn't realise someone was already in here…" a voice spoke from where she knew the door to the compartment lay. It was familiar to her, but the timbre had changed, deepened over the summer holidays and it took a moment for her to realise who had spoken. There was an awkward moment of silence, and she could hear his feet shuffle on the floor. "Everywhere else is kind of full…do you mind…"

She laughed to herself at his discomfort, it gave her a sick sort of amusement to know how uncomfortable she made people. Here was the popular, confident Sirius Black, stuttering and asking for her permission to sit. Of course he wouldn't be alone for long, his little sidekicks would join him soon. She nodded her head finally and heard his sigh of relief, and then his voice echoing down the corridor of the Hogwarts Express.

"Hey Prongs, down here. Moony! Wormtail!"

She heard the tramping of feet and the movement around her as three more people came into her previously peaceful compartment. There was a great deal of banging and thudding as trunks and cages were thrown up onto the luggage racks. She turned her head and pressed her cheek against the cool glass of the window, closing her eyes.

After a few minutes the noise died down and Kat felt a thump beside her as one of the boys sat on her side of the compartment.

"So Prongs…"came the drawling voice of Sirius Black. "You seen Evans yet?"

Kat grimaced. This was the only problem with being invisible, she always heard things she didn't want to hear.

"Yeah," was James's reply. "She's looking good…" He drew out the last word.

There was a soft chuckle next to her, "Come on you two, I'm pretty sure that Katherine doesn't need to hear this."

Kat smiled in the direction of the voice. Remus Lupin, trust him to be the voice of reason. Of course he was one of the few to whom she wasn't invisible. In five years he'd taken the time to know her. Soft, oddly fluffy, yet musky and deep, that was how she saw him in her mind. Smell, touch and sound that was how she identified all her classmates.

There were muttered apologies from the two other boys and she settled her cheek back against the glass.

The train journey past comfortably enough for her. She let her mind wander as she always did, brought back to reality every so often by raised voices or exclamations as the four boys played first a few rounds of Exploding Snap and then a few pranks on unsuspecting first-years.

"We're nearly at Hogwarts," it was Remus who brought her back finally, touching her shoulder with two gentle fingers. She turned her head towards his voice and smiled. Of course, she knew she was probably looking over his shoulder or something, but it seemed to make people more comfortable when she at least pretended to look at them.

"Thanks, I know."

"How do you know?" That was Potter, his voice tinged as always with a hint of belligerence. She knew she made him nervous and that it was his natural defence, but it still annoyed her.

"I can feel the train slowing down," she replied, injecting as much superiority into her voice as possible. Did he think she was stupid as well as blind? Cold, hard and rough, that was how she saw James Potter. "And the vibrations are changing…"

"Well that told you," Black said, his voice coloured with amusement.

"Shut up Padfoot!"

Kat couldn't stop the giggle from passing her lips. Oh how she wished she could see the look on Potter's face.

The warmth of the Great Hall was the first thing that hit her, like suddenly plunging into a hot bath, the heat going straight to the bone. Then it was the smell. Not of food, not yet, but of all the different soaps, deodorant, perfumes and colognes they all used. Sometimes it turned her stomach and she found it difficult to eat, but today it was like a welcome home.

She made her way to the end of the Gryffindor table closest to the door and found her usual seat right at the edge. Her fingers strayed across the table as she waited for it to fill up around her. The wood was so smooth under her touch, worn down by generations of students hands. She brushed the cold metal of her plate and goblet and then lowered her hands to her lap waiting for the sorting to begin.

The food as usual was magnificent. She helped herself to slices of roast beef and potatoes, her favourite, and ate quietly and neatly, with the care of someone who can't see what they're stabbing their fork into.

"Don't you ever worry that someone's going to put something really disgusting on your plate without you noticing?"

She groaned. When did Potter sit down next to her? "Not really no. Or at least…I didn't until you just said that…" She laid down her fork feeling a little queasy.

"Don't worry," Remus said from opposite her. "I wouldn't let either of them do that."

"Who said you'd catch us?" Black said with an evil sort of chuckle.

She pushed her plate away from her with a disgusted groan, she really didn't feel hungry any more.

As she sunk into her soft, warm bed later that night, she wondered how she had finally fallen victim to the school's biggest troublemakers, and just how was she going to get them back.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N Sorry for the short chapters. But I'm still getting the feel for it. Oh, and if anyone has any suggestions for which subjects she could be doing for NEWTS I'd be grateful. I'm struggling to think what she could be good at with her disability. _

_Oh and big thanks to my two reviewers! I'm glad you guys like the concept. I shall do my best to make the story itself equally good._

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Two

When Kat woke on the first day of term it was to the warmth of a sunbeam caressing her cheek. She opened her eyes to the usual darkness, broken only by a faint strip of horizontal lightness that told her she hadn't pulled her curtains all the way across the night before.

She lay still for a few minutes trying to wake herself up properly. She could hear the sound of the shower in the communal bathroom, and the soft voices of two of her roommates. Then someone spoke from much closer to hand.

"Are you up yet Kat?" The voice was soft, with just the faintest hint of a welsh accent in the way she rolled her 'r's and 'l's.

"I'm up, Lucy," Kat replied with a smile. "Well, awake anyway."

"Just checking," Lucy giggled. "I just thought you might want to get into the bathroom before _Her Highness _does. You know how long she takes…"

Kat scrambled from her bed as quickly as possible, almost tripping on the blankets she had thrown to the floor. Five years of sleeping in the same dorm meant that Kat knew the route from bed to bathroom in her sleep. She reached the door just as it opened with a rush of steamy air.

"Honestly Lily," Kat exclaimed, knowing exactly which of her roommates had the shower that hot. "Leave some warm water for the rest of us!"

Lily breezed past her with a waft of tangy, fruity shampoo. "There's plenty left for _you_!"

Kat laughed as she closed the door with a click. For five years it had been the same. Ever since those first two weeks of school when Rochelle Bantam, AKA Her Highness, had used up all the hot water every day, spending nearly two hours in the bathroom and making the rest of them late for class. A plot had been hatched and so far it had worked.

Kat did her usual morning routine. She was always the quickest in the bathroom; there was little point her preening in front of the mirror.

She headed down to breakfast with the other girls a little while later and took her usual seat at the end of the table. She was surprised when the other girls joined her.

Kat carefully ladled out some porridge, keeping her finger on the rim of the bowl to keep herself from over filling it. She could smell freshly cooked bacon and eggs as well, but as always she was very conscious of the potential for mess.

There was a furious, whispered conversation going on opposite her, which try as she might she couldn't ignore.

"You ask her!"

"I'm not asking her, if you want to know so badly then you do it…"

"But then she'll know how I feel about…"

"Everyone knows how you feel about him anyway!" the last comment was from Lily and she spoke in a normal tone as opposed to a whisper.

"Fine," Rita, Kat's fourth roommate, snapped back. She was all sharp edges and acidic in Kat's mind. "Kat…" her voice took on a cloying sweetness that didn't suit her. "Is it true that you shared a compartment with The Boys yesterday?"

Kat could almost hear the capital letters and knew exactly who she was talking about. She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Apparently everywhere else was full."

Rita's breath caught for a moment and then quickened. "Did…did they talk about much?"

Next to Kat, Lucy snorted. "You mean did Sirius Black declare his undying love for you? I doubt it!"

Kat felt movement under the table and then a grunt from Lucy and guessed that Rita had kicked her.

Feeling that she had better forestall a potential argument she spoke. "They didn't say much about anything if you must know. Apart from Lily…Black asked Potter if he'd seen her."

"He must have meant the haircut," Lucy said excitedly. "I told you James would like it."

Lily huffed loudly, "I couldn't care less if that arrogant little git likes it or not!"

Kat smiled down into her porridge and wondered if Lily knew how bad a liar she was.

"It must have been awful though," Lucy said then, touching Kat's hand. "Sitting with them all day. Were they horrible to you?"

"Well, they pretty much ignored me actually," she replied with a shrug.

"But Sirius sat next to you at dinner…" Rita said still a little breathlessly. "I saw him." She gave a dreamy little sigh that made Kat nearly choke on her breakfast.

She recovered enough to breath and said, "Only so that he and Potter could wind me up."

"Oh they do that all the time. But one look into those eyes and I'd forgive him anything," Rita sighed again and Lily and Lucy laughed.

"Well I wouldn't know about that would I?" Kat snapped back, trying to force down a sudden surge of bitterness. She didn't feel hungry anymore. She fumbled for her bag and swung out of her seat. With out a word to the three girls she hurried towards the door, counting her steps as she went. Just before she reached it though she walked into something solid and stumbled backwards, nearly falling. Strong hands grabbed her arms, keeping her on her feet.

"Careful…"

Kat felt the heat rise up her cheeks. Of all the people for her to walk into! The fingers pressing into her upper arms were strong, but oddly gentle, and she was close enough to smell the slightly spicy aftershave he wore.

"Sorry Black," she mumbled as he finally let her go.

"My fault," he replied, surprising her slightly. "Wasn't looking where I was going."

Kat couldn't help the tiny grin that crept across her lips as she stepped past him. "Funnily enough…neither was I…"

For a moment there was slightly shocked silence behind her, but as she left the hall she thought she heard Sirius Black laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 3

_A/N Wow - been far too long since I last updated, so this chapter is a bit short and a bit plotless, I just wanted to keep it going as best I could whilst I work on the rest of the ploting. Hope you all enjoy._

_Massive thanks to all those who have reviewed, and to the other who've added me to either thier favourite stories or author. I love you all :)_

Three turnings, right, left, right again, two staircases, twenty-two steps each, then the third door on the right. The Muggle Studies classroom.

Kat had walked that route so many times over the last few years that she did it now without thinking and only when she reached the door did she stop to catch her breath. She was certain that she must still be scarlet in the face, despite having put two floors between herself and the rest of the school. She lent against the smooth door and then with a sigh pushed it open.

"Katherine," the soft female voice greeted her as she entered the room. "Early as always! Well sit yourself down. Have you got your dictata-quill to hand?"

Kat smiled in response to the bubbly Muggle Studies Professor's breathless greeting. "Prepared as always Professor Huntley." The Professor was like honey and lemon in Kat's mind.

The woman patted her gently on the shoulder and Kat made her way to the back row of the classroom and her usual seat. She took a roll of parchment out and smoothed it out on the table, and then felt around in her bag for her quill. She turned it around in her hands until it was point down and then balanced it carefully on the parchment. The quill wrote in Braille and had been designed especially for her.

"How did you do that?" Came a sudden voice from her right and she jumped slightly in her chair. She hadn't heard him approach which was rare for her.

"Do what?" She asked cautiously. Then she frowned. "What are you doing here anyway?"

She felt a slight warmth against her arm as Sirius Black lent in close to her.

"Um...Metcalf…I've been in this class with you since third year…"

She turned towards the sound of his voice with a frown deepening, "No you haven't…I think I'd have noticed…you and Potter cause enough trouble…"

There was a moment of silence followed by the sound of Sirius shifting in his chair. "Well, James doesn't take this class, neither does Remus…it's just me so I tend to keep my head down."

"Why do you take this class though?" Kat asked a little too curiously. "Most people think it's boring…"

"It is boring," Sirius replied with one of his sharp laughs. "But it drives my parents nuts…which makes it all worthwhile." She felt the soft pressure of his fingers on her arm. "Anyway Metcalf, since when were you so interested in my life?" He had lowered his voice to little more than a growl and there was a suggestive tone to it that made Kat blush.

"I'm not interested in your life…you're the one who keeps talking to me," she snapped back suddenly defensive. "You've not spoken to me in this class since third year…why start now?"

The pressure on her arm vanished and she could almost feel the sudden coldness from Sirius. "Maybe I was just trying to be nice Metcalf…maybe I felt sorry for you…" And then there was silence.

*

Kat was still fuming six hours later when she returned to the common room after her last class. How dare he? She didn't need anyone's pity, and least of all his. She pushed through the portrait hole and nearly sent someone flying on the other side as she barged past.

She snapped out a quick apology and then carried on up into her room. Once there she flung herself across her bed, her eyes closed tight and her jaw clenched. She wasn't sure if she wanted to scream or cry. Why was he suddenly tormenting her? And that's what it was, she was sure of it now. This was just like another one of his and Potter's stupid pranks. He wanted to wind her up. Well he wasn't going to get a reaction out of her that easily.

"What did that first year ever do to you?" The door opened and Lucy's welsh lilt broke into her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You nearly killed her…well ok, slight exaggeration…but I've never seen you in a mood like that." Kat felt her bed descend a few inches as Lucy sat down at the foot. "Want to talk about it?"

Kat shook her head and said nothing.

"Oi!" Lucy smacked her arm. "You always tell us off for just nodding or shaking our heads around you. Same rules apply to you, so spill!"

"Really, it's nothing," Kat replied keeping her voice carefully under control. "Just a rough day…"

Lucy giggled, "Well…it certainly didn't start well…I saw you crash into Sirius at breakfast…Rita was green with envy…"

"Rita is welcome to him…" Kat frowned slightly. "What is it about him? Why is she and almost every other girl in this school so crazy about him? From my experience he's an arrogant little sod…"

"A gorgeous, arrogant little sod…" Lucy corrected her. "He's not my type but even I have to admit to that…I guess it must be different for you…"

Kat sighed, "Everything is different for me Lucy…I'd have thought you'd have realised that by now."


	4. Chapter 4

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Four.

_None of this belongs to me other than Kat._

_A/N – It has been forever since I updated this – so apologies to those who had been reading this and enjoying it. Hopefully I can keep going with it now. This chapter is a little short as I'm just trying to get back into it – but should improve in following chapters._

The cool breeze ruffled Kat's hair and lifted goose-bumps on her bare arms. It was already night, but the dark didn't bother Kat as she wandered around the edge of the lake.

She could hear the gentle lapping of the water against the shore, and a distant splash towards the middle of the lake that Kat assumed was the Giant Squid.

She smiled to herself as she remembered how she had been convinced it was a joke her classmates were playing on her when they first told her about it. She hadn't believed it for two years, until Lily had led her down to the shore and made her hold out her hand. The slimy, rubbery feel of the squids tentacle had stayed with her for weeks, as had the smell.

From the castle came the sound of laughter, drifting down from one of the common rooms. Kat turned away from it, continuing round the lake. It was on these nights that she was grateful that she was a sixth year, and no longer subject to the early curfew of most of the younger students. Of course, she wasn't strictly supposed to be outside, but very few people noticed.

The whispering of the leaves on the trees told her that she was approaching the edge of the forest and she drew to a halt. Oh how she longed to continue on; to slip beneath the trees and listen to the sounds of the forest. But she didn't dare. The forest was dangerous enough for people who could see.

She was about to turn away when a sound caught her attention. Something big was moving just beyond the tree line. Something big and very heavy. Then there was a sound that made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck, and her blood run cold.

The werewolf howled again. It was close, far too close. She turned to run and stumbled, sprawling face down. The grass was already wet with dew, and the smell of damp earth filled her nostrils. Then she felt the vibrations in the ground as something huge padded towards her.

It was a mere hair's breadth away from her. She could feel it's hot breath on the back of her neck, and the smell of wet fur. Suddenly something else came pounding towards her from the direction of the forest. She felt the air move as it leapt over her, and the yelp and snarl as it hit the werewolf full on.

Growling, snapping, snarling. That was all she could hear and she lay as still as possible, not daring to move; barely even daring to breath. There was another yelp and then the pounding of paws as the werewolf fled towards the forest.

She kept her face down until something slightly cold and wet nudged her arm. She rolled over straining each of her senses to find out what had saved her.

"Sirius?" The name slipped out of her mouth before she could help it. It was a clearly an animal, so why had she automatically thought of that arrogant git? Yet the smell was familiar.

The creature – was it a dog? – had tensed when she'd spoken, but then it nudged her again and she got the picture.

"I'm going, I'm going." She clambered to her feet and held out one hand. Her fingers connected with soft fur and then a pricked up ear. Moving down she felt a velvety soft muzzle. The dog – for she was fairly sure now it was – licked her hand and then threw its shoulder against her thigh, once again urging her towards the castle. "I'm going."

*

When she got back to the safety of her dorm room she finally allowed what had happened to hit her and she sunk onto the bed trembling.

Did the teachers know that there was a werewolf loose in the forest? And what was a dog doing out there?

And why, more importantly, in a moment of extreme danger had Sirius Black been the first person to pop into her head?


	5. Chapter 5

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Five

_Nothing belongs to me except Kat_

_A/N Thanks to my reviewers and those lovely people who have got a story alert on this or added it as a favourite story. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! _

_You should also know that I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this (I have an idea but not sure how to get there) so any suggestions for fun exploits Kat can get involved in – don't hesitate to make them._

It was a very good job that the next day was a Saturday, for it was gone midday before Kat was finally able to drag herself out of bed. She had spent most of the night dwelling on every little thing she could remember about the near miss with the werewolf. She had heard the dawn chorus of the birds outside her window before she had finally drifted off to sleep.

After a quick trip to the bathroom and dressing quickly she slipped out of the dorm and down to the common room. The fire was crackling away as always, but there was only a soft murmur of conversation so Kat assumed that most people were already down for lunch.

She crossed to the portrait hole, barely even needing to count the steps, and climbed out of the common room. As the portrait swung closed she heard a voice from behind her.

"You're up late today young lady."

Kat turned to smile in the direction of the Fat Lady. "Overslept." She had amused herself for years wondering what the Fat Lady looked like, but she'd never believed how the Fat Lady had described herself.

"Well if you don't hurry, you'll miss lunch as well as breakfast!"

Kat grinned and hurried down the corridor. By the time she reached the Great Hall the noise level indicated that most people had finished eating and were now more worried about gossip and jokes. She was just about to take her usual seat when Lucy's soft welsh tones hailed her.

"What time do you call this?"

Kat smiled as she sat down and a moment later she felt the bench move and a creak as Lucy sat down next to her.

"Seriously…you weren't in that late…"

"I was…" Kat paused. What could she say? _Oh well, I snuck out into the grounds and got attacked by a werewolf and was saved by this really big dog. _

She was saved from thinking up an excuse by the arrival of her other three roommates. They clearly weren't there to talk to her though.

"Lucy…James just asked Lilly out again!" That was Rochelle's clipped, precise tones. "That makes it six times this week and it's not even Sunday. That means you owe me five galleons."

Lucy groaned, "What is wrong with that guy? Can he just once act like a normal boy and pretend he's not interested they way they rest of them do?" There was the clinking of coins being passed across the table.

"I can't believe you girls are making bets on this!" Lily's voice was tinged with amusement.

"Hey, it keeps life interesting…" Rita said in her nasal voice. "Now what were you two talking about?"

"Yeah…what were you two talking about," Sirius's deep voice spoke suddenly from behind her making her jump. "It seemed very secretive."

Kat felt the heat of a blush creeping up her cheeks. She would die if Sirius ever found out about last night. "Nothing…nothing really."

There was a long moment of silence behind her, the kind of silence that Kat knew was full of looks and expressions that she couldn't see.

"Do you want to sit with us?" Rita broke the silence a little breathlessly.

"No…thanks but I've already eaten." Kat felt Sirius's strong fingers close briefly on her shoulder. She felt him bend down until she could feel his breath on her ear. "You know…you really shouldn't go out in the grounds at night…it really is quite dangerous."

Kat stiffened, but moments later he had moved away, leaving her more confused than ever.


	6. Chapter 6

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Six

_I own nothing – except Kat – and I wish I owned Sirius because then he might actually do what I want him to do!_

_Yet another Author Note – I apologise for how short these chapters are. I keep meaning to make them longer – but they just seem to come out this way. Once again, I love my lovely reviewers._

"I give up! I think I might actually get a bad grade for the first time in my life!"

The loud voice in the normally silent library made Kat jump. She was sat at her usual table near the back and had been carefully studying one of her specially modified textbooks. She paused with her fingers keeping her place on the Braille page.

"What's wrong Padfoot? Potions? Transfiguration?" That was Remus's soft voice.

"Oh god no, those are easy as hell. I've got this three foot essay on 'The Ways Muggles Cope Without Magic' and so far I've written a couple of inches and I've already run out of notes."

"Do you not pay attention in Muggle Studies class?" Remus asked with a soft chuckle.

"Not really no."

"And we all know why that is!" James's deep voice joined the conversation. "After all…don't you share that class with a certain someone...?"

"Shut up Prongs." Sirius sounded annoyed and embarrassed.

In her corner Kat flushed. They weren't talking about her. They couldn't be. There were lots of girls in that glass that could be distracting Sirius. Besides, she didn't want Sirius paying attention to her in that way – did she?

She sat thoughtfully for a moment as the boys carried on joking and laughing (ignoring the loud tuts from the Librarian) and then rifled through the papers in her bag. She pulled out the one she wanted, and then picked up her wand. A simple spell and a tap and the Braille was turned back into normal ink writing. She packed away her books and slipped her bag over her shoulder.

Keeping one hand on the bookcases to guide her she followed the sound of Sirius's voice.

"Hi," she said when she judged she was close to them.

"Hi Kat," Remus sounded pleased to see her. "Where did you appear from?"

"I've just been working…" she waved wildly back over her shoulder. "I overheard…" She held out the sheets of parchment in Sirius's general direction. "I thought these might help."

She felt warm fingertips brush hers as Sirius took them. "Your notes? You're a lifesaver!"

She smiled at the warmth and gratitude in his voice. "It's ok. They're from my Dicta-Quill so they are exactly what the Professor said, if they don't help…nothing will."

James muttered something under his breath. Kat didn't catch what he said, but she still blushed, certain he was making fun of her. "Well I better go."

"See you at dinner," Sirius called out just as she reached the door – followed by laughter from James.

Stupid gits! Kat thought as she let the door shut behind her.

*

She still wasn't over her embarrassment by the time dinner came, so she skipped it completely. Instead she slipped out into the grounds, leaving the noise and bustle of the castle behind.

She didn't know why she felt drawn back there, but she made her way around the lake to the edge of the forest. To the same place she'd been attacked just two nights before. Was she hoping that the creature who saved her would come back? She admitted to herself that she was. There had been something oddly human about the image it left in her mind and it intrigued her.

When she'd been a child, growing up in Muggle London, she'd never understood why even though she was blind she could tell things about people. She always knew people's gender before they spoke. She could tell the difference when a human and when an animal walked into the room, and it wasn't just from smell. Her parents had explained it away by saying that it was because all her other senses were sharper because she was blind.

Then she had found out she was a witch, and she had arrived at Hogwarts. Her parents had been convinced she wouldn't be able to cope, but Professor McGonagall had come personally to explain everything to them. And she had learnt that much of what she could do – sensing people, understanding things about them no one else did – was because she was a witch. It was the magic's way of getting out.

"Oi! Wha' are yeh doing ou' here?"

The loud voice interrupted her thoughts and she spun towards it.

"Hagrid…?" she asked hesitantly.

Heavy footfalls came towards her. "Oh, I know yeh…you're the…" He stopped hastily and swallowed. "Ah mean…"

"It's alright. I'm the blind girl. I don't mind."

Hagrid chuckled nervously. "Yeh still shouldn' be ou' here. No' this close to the fores'."

She bit her lip. "Sorry. I just…Hagrid…what kind of creatures are there in the forest?"

"All sorts," Hagrid replied. She felt him moving closer to her. "Unicorns, and centaurs…"

"Are there werewolves?"

There was a moment of silence rather too long, and Kat could almost hear Hagrid's brain working quickly.

"Nah! Don' know where yeh heard tha'." He gave another nervous chuckle.

"What about…big dogs…?"

There was no pause this time as he laughed, "Dogs? Only old Fang…oh there migh' be a few krups in there…bu' they ain't big."

Fang? Had it been Fang who had saved her? No, she was fairly sure she's heard Fang described as a Boarhound, and they certainly didn't have pointy ears.

"Come on now. Yeh get back up to the castle before it gets dark."

Kat laughed but turned back towards the front doors. "Darkness makes no difference to me."

_A/N Oh… I so can't do Hagrid's way of speaking. Apologies. Hope it doesn't detract from the story. Reviews are always welcome! _


	7. Chapter 7

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Seven

_I own nothing…_

_Ok, so the chapters are getting fractionally longer. And as for the rapid speed of updates…I don't know how long I'll keep it up for, but I'll do my best._

_Once again, thanks for the reviews._

"Hi Sirius…"

Kat groaned. She had been sat by the fire with Lucy when Rita, Rochelle and Lily had joined them, and now, from the sound of Rita's breathy greeting, Sirius was there too. No doubt with James and Remus not too far behind.

"Do you ladies mind if we join you?" James asked.

Kat could already feel the movement as they all moved around to make room. She couldn't see, but she could almost imagine the seating plan. James would sit next to Lily if he could – any excuse to get close to her – and Remus would probably sit by Lucy. She knew they got on well – both being smart and hardworking. As for Sirius, he wouldn't have much choice. Rita would make sure that he sat by her.

Which is why she was surprised when she felt someone perch on the arm of her chair. She lent away from them slightly to get back her personal space and heard James laugh.

"What's the matter Kat? Does he smell?"

She blushed. "I don't…"

"Leave her alone Prongs," Sirius said from right beside her. He touched her shoulder. "There aren't any free chairs…you don't mind do you?"

_Yes! Yes I do mind. _Kat wanted to say. But she didn't, she just shrugged and turned her face back to the heat of the fire.

"So what do you lot want anyway?" Lucy asked her voice full of amusement.

There was another of those look filled silences that made Kat feel uncomfortable.

"Well…actually we wanted to ask you girls if you were going into Hogsmeade this weekend."

Rochelle snorted, "What's the matter James? Have you gotten fed up of asking Lily to go with you and getting turned down?"

Kat wondered if James blushed – there was certainly an embarrassed silence.

"We just thought it might be fun," he said finally in a low voice.

"It would be." Lily said reassuringly. Kat had noticed her attitude to James changing a lot since the start of term. "I'm in."

"Saves going on my own," Lucy added.

Sirius nudged Kat's shoulder. "What about you?"

"She doesn't go into Hogsmeade," Rita said quickly before Kat could speak. "She never has."

"**She** is sitting right here," Kat snapped back. Was Rita actually jealous of her?

"Well you don't. You almost never leave the castle."

"You leave the castle don't you Kat," James seemed to have recovered a little of his cockiness. There was also something about his voice that made her uncomfortable. Had the boys been out there the other night? Had they seen her be attacked and done nothing?

"You know what," she said suddenly. "I think I might go to Hogsmeade this weekend. It's about time."

She heard Rita huff irritably, but Lucy and Lily both said 'good' at the same time.

"Great," Sirius said squeezing her shoulder.

*

The weekend came around quite quickly that week, and Kat was surprised to find that she was actually excited about going into Hogsmeade instead of terrified. She had only been down there the once, and normally when going somewhere new she panicked.

Instead on the Saturday morning she rose quickly, and managed to get into the bathroom before anyone else. Maybe it was being challenged? Rita had made her feel like such a coward that she wanted to prove herself; to prove that she was normal.

When she came out of the bathroom she heard the murmur of voices that suggested the other girls were awake. Just as she reached her bed Lucy touched her arm and spoke.

"Do you need anything today? I mean…help…" She sounded embarrassed and awkward.

Kat shrugged, "I might. I don't know Hogsmeade like I know the castle. Normally when I go somewhere new someone has to guide me around…"

"Well I shall be your guide. What will I need to do?" Lucy was genuinely keen to help, so Kat quietly explained that she would hold onto Lucy's elbow gently. The other girl didn't need to steer her around, just guide her carefully.

*

An hour later they were all wrapped up against the biting wind and walking down to Hogsmeade. There was a huge chattering crowd around them and for once Kat quite enjoyed being surrounded by people. Perhaps being invisible was over rated?

"Where first?" Sirius asked once they stopped. Lucy told her quietly that they were on the main street.

"Honeydukes!" James and Lucy said at the same time.

The small sweetshop was crowded with students. Kat could tell that without needing to see, but as soon as she breathed in she forgot all about that. The smell was the most heavenly thing in the world. Hot toffee, chocolate, fudge and treacle, she could almost feel her mouth watering.

She had a moment of panic when she lost her grip on Lucy's elbow, but moments later she had it back again and was being guided round the shop whilst the others 'ooohed' and 'ahhed' over new products.

"Hey Kat…try a bit of this," James said suddenly thrusting something under her nose.

"Don't you dare," Sirus spoke from far closer than she expected. "It's Cockroach Cluster. Stop being an idiot James."

Kat tried to smile in Sirius's direction. "What happened to putting something disgusting on my plate without my knowing it? I'd have thought trying to feed me Cockroach Cluster would be right up your street."

"I wouldn't really do that to you," He replied and the elbow in her hand jerked as though the person had just shrugged.

Kat frowned. Then she tightened her grip on the arm painfully.

Sirius yelped. "What did you do that for?"

She dropped her hand. "Lucy?"

"Sorry Kat...I needed to grab some chocolate…I didn't think you'd mind." Lucy really did sound sorry.

But Kat was furious. "I'm not some burden you have to pass around…why the hell did any of you ask me to come if it was going to be such a trial for you." Someone grabbed her arm but she yanked it away. "And you can all stop staring at the freak now. I know you are."

She turned and stumbled away, pushing her way through the other students, desperately trying to find the exit. At last she felt a cold blast from her right as the door opened with a tinkling of the bell and she thrust her way towards it.

The cold wind stung the tears on her cheeks as she hurried away from the shop. She ran with no idea which direction she was going, but right then she didn't care. She had let her guard down. She had thought she could finally trust people…and yet they had let her down. None of them understood. None of them knew what it felt like to be in the darkness all the time.

An anguished sob burst from her lips and she fell against the wall of the nearest building, sinking down to her knees. She hated it. Hated not knowing if the whole world was staring at her, or if no one ever even looked her way.

Suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her against a warm chest. A thick woollen jumper was rough under her cheek and as she buried her face her nose was filled with the soft, spicy smell of Sirius's aftershave.

"It's ok…"

She pulled away from him sharply. "Leave me alone! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Sirius's voice turned cold again. "Fine. Fine, be like that. And then you wonder why you are always alone." The frosty ground crunched under his feet as he moved away from her.

She felt as though he had slapped her. "I just…"

"I was only trying to help. You were running away from the castle. I didn't want you to get hurt or lost. But you don't want any help. At least not from me."

"I don't need help from anyone," Kat said struggling back to her feet.

"Everyone needs help sometimes Kat. When you realise that…maybe it won't seem quite so dark where you are."

_A/N Ok…that got a little emotional! I'm trying to get across how it feels for Kat – so isolated that she doesn't even recognise a hand held out in friendship. She was excited about the trip out because it felt nice to be included – but she still feels like everyone is laughing at her. Plus, every potential relationship needs a little angst! Let me know what you think though…and I might edit this._


	8. Chapter 8

Behind These Eyes – Chapter Eight

_I don't own anything._

_And thank you again to all the fab people who left reviews – and the people who haven't reviewed but have added this as a fav story._

Kat managed to find her way back to the Castle, but not without difficulty. She was lucky and overheard a group of students talking about heading back to the Castle and followed them.

Once there she took the familiar route back to the common room and straight up to her dorm. Once there she ripped the scarf from her neck and threw it in the direction of her trunk before flinging herself face down on her bed.

The tears came again, Unbidden and unwanted. Why had she let it get to her? She had managed so well for five years. Quietly getting by, letting the usual teenage angst wash over her. Now she couldn't seem to get away from it.

She must have fallen asleep at some point, because she woke suddenly. She could hear Rita's nasal snoring from across the room. Night had obviously fallen, but she was now wide awake.

She sat up and made her way silently out of the room. Down the common room there was only the soft hiss of the fire as it burnt down to embers. Everyone must have gone to bed. She loved the common room at night. It was the only time it was truly quiet. And whilst other's might think she was crazy, when she stood there in her personal darkness, she swore she could hear the echoes of a hundred generations of students.

She shook herself and moved across the room to push open the portrait. There was no voice from behind her demanding to know where she was going, so she guessed that the Fat Lady was on a night-time visit.

She knew if she were to get caught she would be in serious trouble, but she didn't care. For the first time in five years the castle felt suffocating to her.

She reached the front doors without running into anyone. She didn't even hear the soft meow of Filch's cat.

Once out in the grounds she took a deep, calming breath and set off around the lake. Again she was drawn to the forest, but she didn't go in. She lowered herself to the damp grass beside the lake, her blank eyes fixed on nothing.

The only sounds were the gentle lapping of the lake and the movement of the treetops. She must have been sitting there for an hour before there was another soft sound. The padding of huge paws on the grass.

She almost panicked before she remembered that the full moon had already come and gone. Seconds later a cold nose pressed against the back of her neck. She didn't turn, but she felt a warm, furry body lie down beside her, pressed against her thigh.

"So it's you again. You are real."

She half-hoped she would get an answer, but there was only the thump-thump of a tail being wagged against the ground.

She lowered her hand and rested it on the top of the broad head before scratching the dog behind the ears.

"You don't judge me…do you boy?" She couldn't have said how she knew it was male, she just did. "It doesn't matter to you that I'm blind…they think I'm a freak. I know I am. But it's just so hard. I wish I could be like Lucy…or Lily. Talk about boys and who's going with who to Hogsmeade, or clothes and hair like Rochelle. Do you know…I don't even know what I look like." She brushed her fingers through her hair. "I don't know what anyone else looks like either. Oh, I know that Lily has red hair and that Lucy is really pretty…but only second hand, because people have told me." She snorted with amusement. "Just like they tell me that bloody Sirius Black has incredible blue eyes." She felt the dog twitch beside her. "I only know his voice…and that he is really gentle even though he seems so strong…"

She fell silent. He had been gentle. She had been so determined to see what everyone said about him, that he was cocky and arrogant, that she had ignored what she knew about him. He had always treated her very gently, even when he was teasing her there was none of the harshness he showed everyone else.

"Have I been an idiot, boy?" She stroked the dog again. "I think I have. He was trying to be nice…and I just pushed him away." She closed her eyes and a few tears spilled down her cheeks. Everything hit her in one go and she found herself sobbing, but all the while the comforting presence of the dog never left her side.

_A/N Ok, I think this might be the worst bit of this that I've ever written. This really is only so much filler before I can move onto the next bit. But I also just love the idea that when she doesn't know it's Sirius she can open up to him. _


	9. Chapter 9

Behind These Eyes - 9

_Disclaimer – I own nothing except for Kat._

_A/N – So…I haven't updated this forever, but I came across it when doing some other bits and after reading through it I decided that I needed to give it another go. Hope some of my old reviewers and readers are still around! This chapter is fairly short as I try and get back into the story. This chapter is also a complete ramble as I'm not sure how to get to the next bit of the story. Ah well – reviews always welcome!_

The Muggle-Studies classroom was empty on Monday morning as Kat entered. Professor Huntley wasn't even there. She breathed in, inhaling the smell of chalk and parchment, the odour that permeated every classroom in the castle.

Edging carefully between the desks, she sat down at her usual table and started setting out her parchment and quill.

The sound of the door made her jump, but even though she heard heavy footsteps stride into the room, no one spoke.

"Professor?"

There was a non-committal grunt from the front of the room and she winced.

"Sirius."

He grunted again and she heard the creak as he sat down. Now that he was closer she could smell soap and shampoo, but she could also practically feel the cold shoulder her was giving her.

"About the weekend…"

"Don't worry about it," He said shortly. She heard him take a deep breath and for a moment she thought he was going to say something else, but then there was the scrap of his chair as he turned it slightly away from her.

Kat sat through class with hot tears pricking at her eyes. In front of her the dicta-quill scratched away merrily. The professor was talking about Muggle Government, but Kat barely heard a word of it. All she could think about was the smell of Sirius so close to her, and yet the cold distance between them.

Why was it upsetting her so much? Until this year he had been a mild irritation in her life, but certainly not anyone for her to waste time thinking about. Now he seemed to dominate most of her thoughts. Just before the end of the lesson she made up her mind to speak to him, to try and apologise, but as soon as the bell rang, she heard the scrape of his chair and his voice as he said goodbye to the professor on his way out of the door.

When Kat reached the Hall for lunch that afternoon she hesitated outside the door. She hadn't left her dorm all day Sunday, and none of her roommates had come to find her. She figured she had upset them as much as she had Sirius. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the hall. The noise level dropped almost immediately, and Kat could practically feel the stares boring into her. She knew that silence, it meant people had been talking about her and had stopped as soon as she came in.

Suddenly she didn't feel very hungry anymore.

"Kat," Lucy's voice called out behind her as she turned and stumbled out of the room.

She ignored it, hurrying up the stairs, one hand running up the smooth marble of the banister.

"Kat, wait!" Lucy's voice was breathless and Kat could hear footsteps behind her. "I'm not going to chase you all the way up the stairs."

Reluctantly Kat stopped, turning slightly in the direction of Lucy's footsteps. "What Lucy?"

"You not going to come and eat?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"Rubbish. Look, you've just got to ignore everyone…you know what this school is like. Everyone likes to gossip."

Kat frowned. "You too?"

Lucy groaned. "Seriously Kat, you need to stop being so paranoid. I'm your friend."

"It didn't feel like that on Saturday."

Lucy was now close enough that Kat could feel her body heat, so she wasn't surprised when she felt a hand on her arm. When Lucy spoke next there was a hint of guilt in her voice.

"I really didn't think it would matter. Sirius seemed happy enough, and I really wanted that chocolate."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Alright, alright. So I thought if I said anything you'd say no. I know how much you hate Sirius…"

"I don't hate him…"

"You could have fooled me." Lucy tightened her grip on Kat's arm and steered her back up the staircase and through a door. The room beyond, from the smell, was one of the girls bathrooms. There was the sound of running water and then someone stepped past them through the door and they were alone.

"I just…ok…" Lucy sighed heavily, and then Kat could hear her licking her lips. "I admit…I kinda did it on purpose. It's just, you should have seen Rita's face…oh god I'm sorry." Lucy sucked in her breath and reached again for Kat's arm. "Why do I keep putting my foot in it…"

"It's alright, really." Kat reassured her, squeezing the fingers on her arm. "But why? Rita…"

"Is insanely jealous of you. In fact half the girls in the school are. Even the people who weren't in Honeydukes have now heard about how Sirius went charging out of there after you, after having a right go at me I might add. The whole school reckons he's in love with you."

Kat snorted, but then felt her cheeks grow hot as Lucy laughed.

"I know, stupid isn't it. But anyway…say we're still friends, even though I'm a complete cow."

Kat forced herself to laugh. "Of course…"

Later that afternoon Kat couldn't get Lucy's laughter out of her head. Was it so stupid that Sirius might like her? Of course it was, but her own friends weren't supposed to think so. She frowned, she must be really ugly for everyone to be so surprised. Maybe that was the real reason Sirius was blanking her now. Not because he was still angry, but because he didn't want the school to have anymore reason to think that he, Sirius Black, could possibly be interested in Kat Metcalf.


	10. Chapter 10

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 10

_Disclaimer – I own nothing! Apart from Kat, but if you offer me enough money you can have her._

Laughter.

That was all Kat heard everywhere she went for the next week. She couldn't be certain that they were laughing at her, but it certainly felt that way. She kept to herself as much as possible, but up in the dorm there was no getting away.

It was Thursday night, and Kat was sat with her back against the smooth wood of the headboard reading one of her Braille textbooks. She liked to read sat on her bed. The thick blankets were velvety soft under her hands, and she could squidge down into the pillows.

She was a little surprised however when she felt her mattress dip and the slight clink of springs as someone sat down. She could smell a slightly too musky perfume and barely dried nail polish. Rita.

Rita didn't speak straight away though. She was breathing deeply as though getting herself psyched up for something.

"Are you alright Rita?" Kat said finally when she couldn't take the tension anymore.

"I want…I want to know the truth…about you and Sirius."

"Me and Sirius?" Kat wanted to laugh, but she knew how seriously Rita took herself and knew the other girl wouldn't see the funny side. "Honestly Rita, there is nothing to tell you. Sirius pitied me, he doesn't anymore…"

"But he…when you ran out of Honeydukes…he was so mad at Lucy…and then…"

Kat frowned. Suddenly more than ever she wished that she could see Rita's face, because clearly the other girl wasn't telling her something. "Then what?"

"It…it doesn't matter. But you're sure there's nothing going on between you?"

This time Kat didn't want to laugh. There was something about Rita's voice. Kat had always assumed that Rita just had a crush on Sirius just like every other girl in school, but now she realised that to Rita at least it was far, far more than that.

"I promise, Rita. I am the last girl in the world that Sirius Black would ever be interested in."

*

The weeks seemed to slip past at Hogwarts, although for Kat life was never quite the same as it had been. Her mask of invisibility had been stripped away, and it left her feeling more vulnerable than ever before in her life.

The only thing that kept her going was the fact that Christmas was fast approaching and that meant that most of the school would be going home, and she wouldn't have to endure the whispers much longer.

"Did you hear?"

It was dinner and Kat had been sat on her own as usual when Lucy's voice made her jump. The bench beside her creaked at Lucy thumped down beside her.

"Did you hear?" Her voice was breathless and excited.

"What?"

"Slughorn's having one of his Christmas parties again this year. Apparently invitations are going out in the next few days."

Kat had never taken potions, measuring out ingredients would have been impossible for her, and so she had never met the Potions Master. But she'd heard about his 'Slug Club', a group of the best and brightest students in the school, the ones everyone expected to go far. Kat had never been invited before, no one really expected much of her at all.

"I think I might get an invite this year…"

"From Slughorn?" Kat had never had the impression that Lucy, other than being one of the nicest girls in school, had any great expectations of success.

"Oh god no. Slughorn would never invite me. But everyone is allowed to take a guest…"

Kat smiled at the breathless note back in Lucy's voice. "Who…"

There was a sudden awkward silence, and Kat felt someone step up behind her.

"Alright Lucy…you heading back up to the common room?"

"Oh, yes. I am…" That breathlessness was even more pronounced. Kat heard Lucy jump to her feet and then footsteps walking away.

Kat felt as though her insides had turned to ice. Sirius…Sirius and Lucy? No wonder Lucy had thought it so funny that he might be interested in Kat.

Kat wanted to be happy for her friend, but she just couldn't seem to get rid of the sick feeling in her stomach.


	11. Chapter 11

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 11

_I own nothing…_

_A/N – Wow the updates are coming faster again! Now if you review this chapter I have a question for you – should I do a chapter from a different POV? I've been thinking about it since I started writing this again, and I think it might be fun. It won't be from Sirius's POV because I don't want to know what he's thinking, if that makes sense, but it might be from Lucy's or James's. Vote in your review!_

_Oh, and hugest thanks to my lovely, gorgeous reviewers. You guys are the best – But extra special thanks go to XLinzX. I think you've reviewed every chapter so far – and I love you!!!_

"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…"

Kat couldn't help but smile. She knew that clanking singing. Clearly the castle had already undergone its usual Christmas decorations. Kat couldn't see them, but as she stepped into the Great Hall she could smell the fresh green scent of the Christmas trees, and the sweet smell of the holly.

The buzz in the Hall was always louder in those last few weeks of term, and for Kat it was just a little too loud and a little too busy. She contemplated turning around and heading back out, but the rumble of her stomach reminded her that she had already missed lunch that day. Besides, she could smell steak and kidney pie, her favourite.

She grabbed her usual seat and carefully started loading her plate.

"Hungry?"

She jumped. Why, all of a sudden, had people started moving so quietly around her? But then, Remus always seemed to move so quietly. She was about to reply to him when there was a screech from further down the table.

"Tell me you are joking?"

Kat twisted in the direction of the screech. She could hear everyone else shifting their seats. Every eye must now have been fixed on the Gryffindor table.

"You…you…" Rita's voice was rising in octave. "I can't believe you…you complete cow."

"Rita…" Lucy's voice was low and pleading, and Kat knew that the quiet welsh girl must have been horribly embarrassed. "Calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down? You said yes…I can't believe you told Sirius you'd go to the party with him. I can't believe he even asked you!"

Kat's fork dropped out of her fingers. So she had been right. It had been Sirius that Lucy had been expecting to invite her to the party. A lead weight seemed to have dropped into her stomach.

"Kat? Are you ok?"

She felt Remus's warm fingers close around her shoulder. She forced herself to nod and smile. "Of course I am. I…I bet Lucy is happy."

Kat could almost hear the smile on Remus's face. "I think she was…until she told Rita."

Meanwhile down the table Rita was still screeching about the betrayal of friends. Interspersing Rita's rant, were pleads from Lucy to sit down, but Rita was having none of it.

"You are supposed to be my friend. I'll never speak to you again!"

Kat heard a wrenching sob and then running feet. Beside her Remus let out an explosive breath.

"Poor Lucy." The bench creaked. When he spoke next Kat realised that he had sat down next to her. "But listen, I didn't come to talk about Lucy. I actually wanted to talk to you about this party…"

"I'm not invited," Kat said quickly, anything to stop thinking about Lucy and Sirius.

"I know…I mean, I heard…" He coughed a little nervously. "But, I know Lily is invited, and James and Sirius obviously. And now Lucy is going with Sirius. And Rochelle is going with that Ravenclaw Dawkins…"

Kat tried to smile. "Wow, sounds like everyone in our year is going…"

"Pretty much…which is why I wanted to ask you to go with me."

The fork clattered back onto the plate again. Kat felt her cheeks flush. "Are you…"

"Just as a friend," Remus said a shade too quickly. His warm fingers closed around her forearm, but she could feel them trembling slightly. "I mean, I think we'd have a laugh together…and I wouldn't want…well it's not fair that you have to miss out just because…" He stopped talking suddenly and Kat heard him swallow hard. "Anyway…what do you say?"

Kat hesitated for a moment. She'd never been to a party. Not once. There would be music, and Kat loved music…but then there would also be dancing, and she certainly didn't dance.

"I'll look after you…I promise."

The memory of Lucy's laughter, and of Rita mockingly pointing out that Kat never went anywhere, flooded into Kat's mind.

"I'd love to go with you, Remus."


	12. Chapter 12

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 12

_A/N I haven't updated for a little while, but I could a couple of reviews recently and it reminded me to get my backside into gear. This chapter was probably one of the most difficult I've ever had to write, trying to describe the party without actually any visuals. Which is why I deleted the whole thing and went with a chapter from Lucy's POV. I hope, in fact I am praying, that you all like it! I'm not sure I do. It's a bit rambling._

"Aw Lucy, you look fantastic…"

Lucy turned away from the mirror just as Lily came out of the bathroom, her dark red hair dripping around her shoulders. Lily was smiling admiringly.

Grinning, Lucy turned back to the mirror. She did look good. She wasn't being arrogant admitting it, she'd worked damned hard to look that good. Liberal amounts of Sir Curlsalot Hair Potion had turned her normally poker straight blonde hair into a mass of curls that framed her face. A delicate helping of mascara and liner made her hazel eyes sparkle. But the dress was what she was proudest of. Gladrags in Hogsmeade had been besieged by girls over the last few weeks, but Lucy had fought tooth and nail to get the deep blue knee length dress she now wore. In fact the backs of Rita's hands had the nail marks to prove it.

"Are you heading down now?" Lily asked as she dried her hair. "I'm going to be a while yet."

"Planning on making a big entrance?" Lucy asked with a grin as she put on a pair of dangly earrings. "But yeah, I told Sirius that I'd meet him in the common room at eight. He said something about not wanting to hang around…"

Lucy couldn't miss the look that flashed across Lily's face. "What?"

"Nothing…I just…you know who he's trying to avoid don't you?"

Lucy glanced across the room at Kat's empty bed. The other girl was down at dinner. "He doesn't…he just doesn't want to make her feel bad…"

She tried to ignore the pitying look on Lily's face. She knew full well Lily's opinion on the whole matter. But Lucy didn't believe any of it. Sure, Sirius had run after Kat that day at Hogsmeade, but that was just because he felt sorry for her. That's what he said and she believed him. It was the rest of the school who'd read so much more into it. She was not going to let it ruin her night. She was going to the party with the best looking boy in school, and no one could say anything to ruin it.

"Well don't you look nice." Rita's voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Rita…"

"Don't Rita me!" She flounced across the room and flopped onto her bed, picking up a copy of Witch Weekly and hiding behind it. "I hope you have lovely time!"

Lucy watched her for a moment and sighed. It didn't look like Rita was going to forgive her any time soon. She shot Lily a quick grin. "See you there."

The common room was full of younger students and those not invited to the party by the time Lucy got down there. The fire was burning in the grate shedding it's warm yellow glow across the faces that turned towards her as she came down the stairs.

She only had eyes for one person though. Sirius had risen to his feet as she came into the room, a crooked half smile on his lips. She felt her heart skip a beat. He really was…perfect. He was dressed simply enough in a pair of trousers and a crisp blue shirt that matched his eyes, and his black hair flopped sexily into his eyes.

"You look nice," he said as she reached him.

For a second Lucy bristled. Nice? After all the work, all he could say was 'nice'. Then she relaxed and smiled back at him. "So do you. Shall we?"

He grinned and they turned together towards the portrait hole.

The journey down to Slughorn's classroom was taken in silence. Lucy wasn't entirely sure what to say. She had Sirius had never really spent much time alone, they were normally part of a group of laughing, chattering friends.

"Ah, Mr Black, welcome, welcome!" Slughorn bowed them into his office. It had been decorated extravagantly for the party, with great silk drapes and hundreds of glittering candles. It was also far, far larger than it should have been. "And who is your delightful companion."

Lucy smiled at Slughorn, taking in his resplendent purple robes and the crystal goblet of wine in his hand. He was looking at Lucy admiringly.

"This is Lucy…one of the girls in my year."

Lucy felt like she'd been slapped. It was a perfectly acceptable introduction, but it was the way he said it. So dismissive. She looked up at him, but he didn't seem to notice that he had said or done anything wrong. He was scanning the room as though looking for someone.

"Well, do get yourselves something to drink, and something to eat. Enjoy yourselves."

Sirius steered Lucy across the room towards the refreshment table and then they found themselves a space near the wall where they could watch a few people dancing in the middle of the room to the string quartet in the corner.

Lucy finally worked herself up to trying to start a conversation when Sirius suddenly moved away from the wall with a grin.

"I was wondering when you'd get here!"

James was approaching them, closely followed by Lily. He snagged two bottles of butterbeer off the table handing one to Lily and then joining them by the wall.

"You look good," Lucy said quietly to Lily as the two boys started talking. The smaller girl had swept her hair up into a pretty clip and wore a green dress that set off her hair and her eyes perfectly.

"Thanks. You don't look too happy though."

Lucy grimaced. There was no way she was admitting to Lily that she had been right about Sirius all along. That as nice as he was, he simply wasn't interested in Lucy as more than a friend. "It's a really good party," she said, changing the subject.

An hour later the party was well underway and even Lucy was starting to enjoy it. There were quite a few famous faces dotted here and there amongst the students, even if they did get stuck listening to some famous Quidditch player tell them all how fabulous he was for twenty minutes.

It was nearly half past nine when Sirius suddenly jerked away from the wall where he had been lounging. James was the first to turn to see what he was looking at, but Lucy soon followed his gaze.

Remus had just arrived at the party, but it was who was with him that drew the attention of the room. Lucy couldn't believe that Kat had actually come, neither, it seemed, could any one else.

"Wow," Lily murmured in Lucy's ear. "She looks beautiful."

And Lucy had to admit that she did. Where the dress had come from, she had no idea, but it was stunning, if a little old fashioned. The silvery grey material seemed to shimmer and change colour as she walked. Her dark hair was loose for a change, flowing down across her shoulders and back. She didn't need make up to emphasise her dark lashes, and grey green eyes.

Lucy drew her eyes away from Kat to glance towards Sirius. His jaw was clenched, and he looked both admiring and angry at the same time. How could she have even thought about ignoring the way he felt? It was so obvious to anyone who knew him. He was head over heels for Kat Metcalf.

Glancing back towards Kat, Lucy half smiled. Kat looked so nervous and uncomfortable.

If only she knew how beautiful she was.

Lucy knew she had a choice now, she could ignore the whole situation, let things carry on the way they were, or she could swallow her pride and tell Kat about Sirius, find a way to make Kat _see_ what Sirius saw in her.

Looking up at Sirius's strong profile, Lucy knew it would be the hardest thing she'd ever done.

_A/N – I made Kat beautiful. I wasn't going to, because I hate Fanfics when the OC's are all gorgeous and stunning, but it just works for Kat to be pretty. She doesn't know it at all, so I hope that stops her being too Marysueish… Anyway, let me know what you think, even if you hate it. The next chapter will be back to Kat's POV._


	13. Chapter 13

Behind These Eyes – 13

_A/N Ok, my reviewers are officially fabulous! I love you all. I can't believe how many reviews I got on the last chapter in just an evening, which is why I am inspired to update so quickly._

_Someone did say that they hope Lucy does help Kat – well you shall just have to wait and see._

_Back to Kat's POV now. Let just hope it's a better chapter this time. I really wasn't happy with the last one!!_

"It's loud…"

"What?"

"I said, it's loud!" Kat giggled as Remus grabbed her elbow and steered her away from the band that was now playing in the middle of the room. She felt cool air on her face as the sound faded, and she guessed that they had crossed over to one of the windows.

"It was a bit loud…they're good though."

Kat nodded, one foot tapping in time to the music. They were apparently one of the most popular bands at the moment, and Kat could understand why. "Is everyone dancing?"

"Most people," Remus replied a little hesitantly. Kat felt his fingers close around her forearm. "Did you want…"

"I can't dance. I'd step on your feet." She could feel a slight blush rising up her cheeks, but the small amount of elf wine Slughorn had allowed the older students had gone a little to her head. She didn't resist as Remus slid his hand down her arm to grasp her fingers and pull her into the crowd of other guests.

She could feel people moving around her and for a brief second she panicked, but then Remus's arm slipped around her waist, pulling her against his chest. His shirt was cool under her hot cheek as he brought the hand he was holding up to his shoulder.

She didn't need to, but she closed her eyes, trying to forget all the people around her. She could feel the beating of Remus's heart, beating in time to the music. Or so it seemed. As Remus started to move with the music the rest of the world seemed to disappear and Kat let the beat take over.

It was turning into a perfect night, apart from the one nagging thought in the back of Kat's mind. Sirius. A tiny traitorous voice kept pointing out how much better it would feel to be in Sirius's arms.

"Ouch."

Someone knocked into Kat's back, making her stumble. She would have fallen, if not for Remus.

"Bloody hell, Sirius. Watch what you're doing."

Sirius! Kat untangled herself from Remus's arms.

"Sorry," Came Sirius's drawl from just behind her. "I didn't see you both there." His voice faded slightly as he moved away from them, and Kat felt Remus step away from her.

"Remus?"

"Sorry, Kat…maybe dancing isn't such a good idea." There was an odd note to Remus's voice. Was it guilt?

"It's ok." Kat had to agree with him. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to be away from the suffocating crowd and the noise. "I think I might call it a night."

"No…we don't have to go…"

"You stay. I'm feeling kinda tired." She smiled in his direction and turned away, pushing through the crowd. She wasn't too sure where she was going and she nearly fell when she walked into a low table. Then a hand was under her elbow and someone was guiding her towards the door.

"Thanks Remus," She said as she heard the door to the party swing closed. The corridor outside was cool and blissfully quiet.

"It's not Remus."

"Sirius…"

But the door had already opened and closed again, and Kat was alone.

_A/N Very short chapter but my new plan is to write shorter chapters but update a least once, if not twice a day._

_Oh, and I thought I should tell you, I have written the last chapter of this. So I do know how it ends, just in case anyone was wondering._


	14. Chapter 14

Behind These Eyes – 14

_A/N So a massive thank you again to my reviewers. You guys are great. And you are the main reason that I am updating so quickly at the moment, I just want to keep you guys happy! But I should warn you, I am actually trying to finish an original novel at the moment and once I stop procrastinating I am going to have to focus on edits so that I can start seeing if any agents are interested in representing me. I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but if any of you would like to check out my novel I have a sample chapter of it on my website_

.

_You can leave a comment about it on my blog if you want to. If I'm not allowed to do this, then I apologise to , and I'll edit this to get rid of the link. I just thought my reviewers might enjoy it. Call it a thank you for your reviews._

_Anyway, this is a super long author note, so on with the story!_

It was two days later and Hogwarts Castle seemed eerily quiet to Kat as she made her way down to the Great Hall. Most of the students had left on the train to King's Cross that morning. The Christmas holidays had started.

Kat never went home for Christmas. Christmas at home was always just a little bit uncomfortable. But now she was looking forward to being able to forget all about the disaster the last term had been.

The Great Hall was as quiet as she expected it to be. There were just the soft murmurings of a few dozen students, rather than the normal hundreds. She took her seat at the far end of the table and served herself some lunch.

She was just about to start eating when someone called out from lower down the table.

"Sirius, Sirius, you can sit with us if you want." The breathless voice belonged to one of the Gryffindor girls the year below Kat.

_Sirius! _He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to have gone home to his parents place in London. He never stayed at school. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. So what if he was there, he wouldn't bother her and she wouldn't bother him. They had no reason to even…

"Thanks girls, but I'm going to sit down here."

Kat felt the bench dip beside her and a creak as someone sat down. There was an almost tangible silence, broken by a sudden outbreak of whispering down the table.

"I can't stand that girl…she talks constantly…"

Kat swallowed hard. Was he expecting her to reply? After having ignored her for the last few weeks?

He seemed to realise the same thing as he coughed nervously. "Look…I just wanted to…"

"Thanks for the other night," Kat said before he could finish. She reached out hesitantly and her fingers encountered the soft wool of his jumper. "I…"

"It's fine…"

Silence fell again and Kat reached for her fork, eating for the sake of something to do. She certainly wasn't all that hungry anymore.

"Um…listen…do you want to go for a walk after lunch? It's…well, it snowed last night…and…"

"I'd love to." Kat bit her lip. Had she said that a little too quickly?

There was relief in Sirius's voice when he spoke next. "Cool…"

An hour later, wrapped up tightly in a thick scarf, woolly hat and gloves, Kat made her way down to the entrance hall. She hesitated nervously for a moment when she reached the bottom of the stairs, then she felt hot breath on her neck.

"All ready to go?"

She jumped and Sirius's deep throated chuckle came from above her.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to startle you." She felt him step to the side of her and then he took her hand, curling her fingers around his elbow.

She wondered, as they started down the steps into the grounds, what was really going on. Was he just lonely without James and Remus around? Or had he truly forgiven her? The snow crunched under their feet, and the cold air was invigorating, making her cheeks tingle.

"Bloody hell, it's cold."

She giggled. "Well…it has been snowing. How deep is it anyway?"

There was a slight pause. "About a foot. The lake is frozen too."

Kat hesitated for a moment and then spoke softly. "Would you…could you describe it?"

Sirius drew them both to a halt and moved behind her, turning her slightly. "Well…we're facing the lake. The trees of the forest look kind of skeletal without their leaves, and the snow covers almost every branch. There's not much snow beneath the trees, but it's dark and grey. The lake…looks like a sheet of silver in the sunlight. The snow sparkles like diamonds. The sky is so clear and so cold…"

Kat's breath caught in her throat. If she closed her eyes she could almost see it.

"Hey…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset you."

Her eyes opened quickly as she realised that tears had slipped from her closed eyelids. She lifted one gloved hand to wipe them away.

"You didn't. It must be beautiful…"

"It is."

Kat wasn't sure how long they stood there in silence. The grounds were so quiet, and even the sounds of other students in the grounds seemed slightly muffled by the blanket of snow.

"Why don't we sit?" Sirius took her arm and guided her back across the ground. She guessed they must have reached the walls of the castle when the chill breeze was suddenly cut off. "Sit…"

She reached out one hand and found the rough seat of a stone bench. She brushed off a layer of snow and sat down.

"How come you're here?" She asked suddenly when Sirius sat beside her.

"I…I fancied a walk." Why did Sirius sound so nervous.

"No, I meant, how come you stayed for Christmas."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Sirius and the crunch of snow as he shifted his feet. "I couldn't go home…"

Kat frowned. She knew Sirius was a member of the Black family, but she knew little else about his homelife. "How come?"

"I sort of…well I sort of ran away this summer…"

"You ran away from home?" Kat couldn't believe was she was hearing. Sirius Black, who she always believed had the perfect life, had run away from home?

"I…I couldn't take it anymore," His voice was full of anger and bitterness and Kat felt movement beside her and then the crunching of snow as he started to pace. "Them and their stupid pure-blood mania. So convinced that to be a Black makes us better than everyone else. I hate them…I hate everything they stand for…"

Kat reached out aimlessly and managed to grab one of his hands as he paced back past her. "But…where did you go? You're only sixteen…"

"James' parents let me crash at theirs. James wanted me to go there for Christmas this year, but I felt like I'd be intruding…you know…"

"I…I never knew…I always thought…"

"Let me guess. Sirius Black with his perfect life. Rich, arrogant…perfect…"

Kat felt embarrassment colour her cheeks as he spoke her very thoughts out loud. "I…"

"It's ok. It's what everyone thinks. No one sees the real me…apart from James and Remus, and Peter of course. Everyone sees what they want to see. They don't know me."

"I'd like to."

She felt his fingers tighten convulsively around hers.

"I mean…I'd like to get to know you. I'd…I'd like us to be friends."

Sirius laughed. And his laughter was contagious. Kat felt herself smiling along with him.

He squeezed her fingers. "I think I'd like that too."


	15. Chapter 15

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 15

_A/N – I think a couple of people might have thought the last chapter was the end of the story. It's not. There is still much to go! But at least now Kat and Sirius are on speaking terms! But sadly we are now heading towards the end of the story. I need to come up with a new storu idea soon! I realised that the link didn't show up – so if you do want to see my original work my homepage is on my profile._

_So…on with the story…_

Chapter 15

"Hot chocolate…with marshmallows…"

Kat felt a hot mug pressed into her hands and she frowned. "Where did you get hot chocolate at this time of night?"

The cushions on the sofa moved as Sirius sat down beside her. "It's a secret. If I told you…I'd have to kill you."

Tightening her fingers around the mug Kat settled back further into the sofa. She turned her face towards the heat of the fire, and for a long time there was silence, save for the crackling of the flames and Sirius's soft breathing.

"Merry Christmas," Sirius said breaking the silence suddenly.

"Merry Christmas, Sirius."

*

"Well, well, well. This is new…"

The Christmas holidays were over. It was the first night back for everyone and Kat and Sirius had been sat at the end of the Gryffindor table waiting for people to get up to the castle. The hall had been slowly getting more and more noisy but there was still no mistaking James's voice above the crowd.

Kat felt someone thump down next to her and an arm slung around her shoulders. She flinched away from the sudden movement.

"Careful James…at least warn her before you attack her…"

"It's ok," Kat replied quickly as James started apologising. "You made me jump is all."

"Did you have a good Christmas, Kat?" Remus had obviously taken the seat across from them, and she felt him squeeze her hand in greeting.

_Oh why do I have to blush now!_ She couldn't help the colour that flooded across her cheeks, and it drew raucous laughter from James.

"I'd take that as a yes. What did you do to the poor girl, Sirius."

"I didn't do anything." Sirius actually sounded annoyed, and Kat felt his body stiffen next to her. "Get your mind out of the gutter James."

"What? Clearly something has happened here…you seemed to be having a cosy little chat before…"

"Before you lot rudely interrupted! Nothing has happened. Me and Kat just stopped biting each other's heads off all the time…we're friends that's all."

Who was he trying to convince? Kat couldn't ignore the tone of his voice. Did he really need to be so vehement in denying that there was anything else going on? Of course they were just friends, and clearly from the tone of his voice, anything more than that was a pretty horrible idea to him.

"Hey Kat," Lucy's soft voice interrupted her thoughts at just the right moment, before she could wind herself up anymore.

Kat turned in the other girl's direction with a smile. "Good Christmas?"

"Yeah, me and my family went skiing…"

"Oh, god. I knew coming over here was a bad idea…this part of the hall stinks of mudblood."

There was a sudden stillness around the hall, and Kat seemed to be caught right in the middle of it. She heard the scrapping of the bench as first one person, then two and three, got to their feet.

"Shut your mouth, Regulus," Sirius's voice was low and vicious. "And go away. I don't want to have to hex you…"

"Oh please. I only came over to let you know…well, you weren't really missed over Christmas. Did you know…mother's blasted you off the family tree…" The voice was so similar to Sirius's that it make Kat's skin prickle. Sirius's was a little deeper, a little richer, but it was obvious they were brothers. "I'm not sure which disgusts her more…mudbloods, or a little blood traitor like you…"

There was a sudden movement and a scuffle of feet. Kat felt herself pushed to one side.

"Leave him, Sirius. The git's not worth it. You'll get detention."

"I don't care if I get detention everyday for the rest of my life…I'll kill the little…"

Sirius was panting as he tried to free himself from the people holding him back.

"James is right. Just let it go…" Lucy seemed to be there as well, trying to calm him down.

"Yeah, Sirius…Listen to the little mudblood…"

There was a crash of wood and the clatter of plates and goblets.

"What's happening? What's going on?" Alone in the dark Kat felt panic rising. There was too much movement around her. People pushing her, pulling her. Something hot shot past her ear. A spell or hex of some kind. An arm grabbed her, pulling her tight against a chest, shielding her from further spells.

Above the clamour teachers were shouting for order. McGonagall's voice was screaming out counter-curses and shield charms.

"ENOUGH!" Dumbledore's bellow silenced the hall. The movement stopped. Everything went still. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Black started it," a voice called from the Slytherin table. "Regulus only went to wish his brother a Merry Christmas."

"Rubbish!" James shouted. "Professor, Regulus called Lucy a mudblood!"

"Enough," Dumbledore silenced them again as more voices joined the argument. "Mr Black…both of you…Mr Potter…and Mr Snape. All of you in my office."

Kat felt herself released, but she clung to the t-shirt of her protector. She felt gentle hands covers hers.

"It's alright," Sirius said softly. "Everything is fine now. I'm…I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of that…"

Under Sirius's gentle pressure she slowly let go of his shirt and he turned her around. Someone else took her hand and guided her down into the seat.

"Lucy…?"

"Yeah…you ok? One of those hexes came pretty close."

Kat touched the side of her head. "Too close…what happened?"

"Well, when Black called me mudblood, Sirius went for him. Regulus shot off a couple of hexes, so of course James had to get involved. Then that horrible Snape came charging over as well…Remus was trying to calm everyone down, but one of the Slytherin's caught him with a jinx…and it all just went a little crazy…"

"Everyone's a little tense at the moment," Lily said softly from across the table.

"You-Know-Who…" Kat breathed softly, fearfully.

_A/N – Ok, so now I'm getting into the more serious stuff. I hope that people don't feel this is moving away from the original story. It's not, I promise. It's just that I always intended on there being a background of the political unrest of the time, but I couldn't really do it until Kat was in a better place. Don't worry though, I'm not going to turn this into a 'first war' fanfic – but I can't ignore the background stuff. I hope Regulus wasn't too OOC – I actually always liked him in the canon, but I needed him to be a bit nastier in this…_

_Anyway. All reviews welcome as usual!_


	16. Chapter 16

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 16

_A/N – Once again massive thanks to all my reviewers. You guys are the best! Also, I haven't said it for a few chapters – but, I don't own anything or anyone except for Kat._

_We are really getting towards the end now, about another three or four chapters I think. I have a couple of other story ideas in my head – so I will probably be doing something else after this._

Chapter 16

Two days had passed since the fight in the Great Hall, but it was still all that anyone could talk about. Everywhere Kat went she could hear people whispering, talking about the animosity that was so seriously dividing the school. And everywhere there was a whisper, a whisper about Voldemort.

"Kat." Strong fingers gripped her shoulder.

She smiled for the first time instead of jumping. "How was detention?"

Sirius sighed as he dropped onto the couch beside her. "Tediously boring. Dumbledore had me helping Filtch scrub the trophy room! No magic either!"

"Aw, you poor thing," Lucy spoke up from her seat on the other side of Kat. "Try growing up a muggle."

"No thanks…" Sirius laughed. "I don't think I'd be able to cope with that…"

Kat smiled as the banter went on around her. She couldn't quite get used to being part of the group like that, but she liked it. Where once she would have been uncomfortable and awkward, now the reassuring warmth of Sirius's leg against her own was her link to the world she couldn't see.

Suddenly that warmth disappeared as Sirius stood up. "Sorry girls, must dash…" Offering no explanation his footsteps faded away.

"Where is he going?" Kat asked Lucy with a frown on her face.

"I'm not sure," Lucy's voice sounded as confused as Kat felt. "James and Peter have just gone with him."

"No Remus?"

"Oh no…Remus isn't here. He's gone home to visit his mother…she's not very well apparently. He goes back at least once a month."

"That's sweet…"

"What are you two talking about?" Rita's sneering voice came from behind them, and there was the clacking of high heels as she walked over to them. "Trying to decide which one of you gets Sirius this week? I mean…you are sharing him…right?"

"Don't be a cow, Rita," Lucy said in a tired voice. "Me and Sirius are just friends."

"So are we," Kat added softly, but Lucy made an odd sort of noise. "What? We are."

"Yeah…sure you are…"

Rita snorted with laughter. "I'll…just leave you two to it."

Kat was frowning in Lucy's direction. "What's that supposed to mean? 'Sure you are'? You don't think me and Sirius can be friends? I know you don't think he likes me…but…"

"Oh no, Kat. I didn't mean it like that," Lucy's fingers closed around Kat's forearm as she started to get to her feet. "Honestly I didn't. What I meant is, you and Sirius…you're not 'just' friends…"

"You think I like him don't you? I don't…well, I do, but not in the way you mean."

"Kat…listen…I have no idea how you feel about him. You keep your cards so close to your chest that I don't think anyone knows how you feel about anything. But Sirius…he's not great at hiding his emotions…and I saw him at Slughorn's party…Sirius is crazy about you. Anyone can see that…"

"I can't…" Kat said angrily. "Why would…how could…Sirius Black…no!"

Lucy laughed then and Kat nearly smacked her.

"Hold on, before you kill me…I'm not messing you about, Kat. I'm trying to be a friend. When you walked into Slughorn's party with Remus, of all people, at your side…Sirius looked about ready to kill him. And Remus is one of his best friends. He didn't take his eyes off you all night. And then…when you danced with Remus…"

"He bumped into me…" Kat said quietly, thoughtfully.

"On purpose I think. But then he got embarrassed. And Sirius doesn't do embarrassed. So he reacted the way he always does when he's uncomfortable or embarrassed, he gets all snide and sarcastic…"

Kat was barely listening as Lucy carried on talking. Could it possibly be true? What Lucy was saying made sense. And if it was his defence when he was uncomfortable to be rude, then all those times he'd been harsh with her was because he was nervous, embarrassed or uncomfortable. She shook her head slightly. It couldn't be true. Sirius Black could click his fingers and have any girl in school come running. If he felt anything for Kat, she was sure it was only because she was the one girl in their year that he hadn't dated yet. Apart from Lily, of course, but Lily had always been off limits because of James.

Kat voiced that out loud to Lucy, but all she got in response was a groan.

"Seriously, Kat, you are so convinced that no one could possibly be interested in you. I'm telling you, Sirius Black is crazy about you. Deal with it!"

_A/N Ok, quite a short chapter this time, but it's all coming together now. Lucy couldn't hold out on Kat, she had to tell the truth._


	17. Chapter 17

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 17

_A/N – Ok, this might actually be even shorter than I thought – perhaps just one more chapter after this._

_One of my gorgeous reviewers asked for a hint about what I was planning on writing next. Well I am going to be writing something about my favourite red-head (initials F.W). It's going to also have a kind of OC – the character is mentioned in the books – but only very fleetingly. Does that intrigue you?_

_Back to Sirius and Kat…_

Chapter 17

The grounds were bitterly cold, a biting wind driving a faint drizzle into Kat's face as she stumbled across the wet grass and down towards the lake.

Lucy's last words kept repeating over and over in her head.

_Sirius Black is crazy about you. Deal with it!_

The smell of water told her that she had reached the edge of the lake and she drew to a sudden halt.

How was she supposed to deal with it? She wasn't even entirely sure how she felt about it. A part of her hoped Lucy was right. If she was and Sirius really did like her, then she didn't have to deny the part of her that got breathless around him. The part of her that made her heart skip a beat when he laughed.

"Oh god!" She said out loud. "I do like him. How could I not have realised."

She sunk cross legged to the floor, chewing on her lower lip. Of course, now she knew her own feelings and his, it made dealing with it even more impossible. What was she supposed to do now? They had just gotten to the point where they were comfortable around each other, she didn't want to risk that.

She didn't know how long she sat there. The rain slowly stopped, but it grew even colder as the night drew on. She tugged her cloak tighter around her body, lost in her own thoughts.

Slowly noises began to intrude on her thoughts. At first she thought it was just the wind rustling the leaves of the trees in the forest. Then she thought she heard a rumble – was it thunder.

But the next noise was unmistakable, she had heard it once before, the padding of huge paws. She twisted towards the noise, her blood turning to ice in her veins.

"Hello…? Is someone there?"

She was praying for an answer. Praying to hear Hagrid's voice, telling her it was just him and Fang.

But no voice came. The paws sped up until the creature was pounding towards her at full speed.

"Kat! Kat run, run now!" Sirius's voice came from the direction of the forest, breathless and gasping, as though he was already running.

"Sirius?"

"RUN!" He hit her full on, spinning her around and dragging her with him up the slope towards the castle.

The grass was slippery from the rain, and she couldn't keep her footing. She knew they had to be close to the castle when she tripped. Sirius tried to catch her, but lost his footing too, and they went down in a tangle of arms and legs.

"What is it? Sirius, what is that creature?"

It was close now, she could hear it's rough breathing, and she could smell wet fur.

"Werewolf," Sirius grunted from her side.

"Werewolf? Does Dumbledore know one is loose in the grounds?"

"Sort of," Sirius yanked her to her feet and pushed her towards the castle. "Get inside."

"What about you? Sirius, I'm not leaving you to face that thing alone."

"Just go…" his voice ended in a kind of growl.

She reached out for him, terrified, but at first her hand connected with empty air. She dropped it and brushed soft, silky fur. The large dog threw it's shoulder against her thigh and she scrambled away backing up the steps towards the castle.

There was a pounding of paws and then the sound of two bodies colliding with great force. Snarling and snapping broke the night air, and Kat clung to the door frame, refusing to go in without knowing Sirius was safe.

Suddenly as she listened to the fight in the grounds, all the pieces fell into place and she sunk to her knees.

Remus went home every month. Her first encounter with the werewolf and the dog. James and Sirius's little secrets. It all made sense now.

There was a sudden horrible yelp from the ground.

"Sirius? Oh god, Sirius?"

_A/N – Cliffhanger there for you all. The next chapter is the one I wrote right when I started this story. Technically the end, but there might be one more after that. We shall see!._


	18. Chapter 18

Behind These Eyes – Chapter 18

_A/N – So here goes. The last chapter of Behind These Eyes. Not got much to say apart from thank you to everyone who has followed this all the way to the conclusion._

_The last chapter ended with Kat's frightened cry as a fight raged in the grounds in front of her._

_But a little earlier that night…_

The branches whipped around him as he ran, his paws digging into the forest floor. Damn he loved this time of the month!

On one side of him a great pronged stag charged beneath the trees, and on the other a huge wolf pounded along. Scurrying around their feet was a plump grey rat.

Sirius barked for the sheer joy of it as he skidded around a corner and tumbled down a small slope. The smell of the forest in the light rain was fresh and exhilarating and he revelled in the freedom. Though for the first time ever a part of him wanted to be elsewhere. He wished he was up in the warm common room, sat on the sofa by the fire with Kat curled up beside him. Of course, that part of him also envisioned his arm around her, her head against his chest, and that seemed highly unlikely to happen.

In fact, he was fairly convinced it was impossible. She barely even liked him as a friend, she was never going to let go of all her preconceived notions of him long enough to actually let herself feel anything…

He sighed and tried to stop thinking about her. As he turned his attention back to the path they were following something didn't seem right. It took him a moment to realise it, and when he did he skidded to a halt.

Remus was gone.

He spun on his haunches to find Prongs charging up behind him. Remus wasn't with him. The two of them looked at each other for a spit second and then Sirius sprang away, nose to the ground as he tried to find the werewolf's trail.

He found it, and followed it through the trees. Remus had wound round and back on his own trail before heading straight towards the edge of the forest.

Sirius silently swore and charged after him. He reached the tree line just in time to see Remus edging out of the trees, head low, lips pulled back in a vicious snarl. Knowing that Remus wasn't a threat to animals Sirius turned to see what he was gearing himself to attack.

Kat!

She was sat at the edge of the lake, oblivious to the danger approaching her on silent paws. He sprang away from the trees and pounded down the slope on an intercept course with Remus.

Kat wasn't moving, hadn't yet heard Remus coming, and he couldn't be certain he was going to reach her in time. He didn't have a choice and he transformed as he ran. Kat had stood up and turned slightly, she said something he couldn't quite hear.

"Kat! Kat run, run now!" He doubled his speed. He was going to reach her first, but only just.

"Sirius?"

God, he loved the way she said his name, but now wasn't the time.

"RUN," he reached her, grabbing her and spinning her round. He started to run, pulling her along with him. He could feel her stumbling, and he couldn't even begin to imagine how terrified she was, running in the blackness from something she couldn't see.

She slipped suddenly on the grass, and as he tried to catch her his footing went and they fell together. He scrambled onto all fours, trying to get her back on her feet.

"What is it? Sirius, what is that creature?"

He looked down at her. Her eyes were wide with fear, staring just past his shoulder.

"Werewolf," he said as simply as he could.

"Werewolf? Does Dumbledore know one is loose in the grounds?"

Sirius had a wildly inappropriate desire to laugh. "Um, sort of." He glanced up and saw Remus barrelling up the hill towards them. He reached down and yanked Kat to her feet. He glanced towards the doors and then back at Remus. He made a split second decision and pushed her towards the door. "Get inside."

Kat clung to him for a moment, her slim fingers twisting into his jumper.

"What about you? Sirius, I'm not leaving you to face that thing alone."

"Just go…" He shoved her away from him and turned to face Remus, changing form as he did. He felt Kat's fingers brush his fur and he threw himself against her to get her moving.

Once he knew she was on her way, he charged towards Remus. They met with a huge thump and rolled together back down the hill, claws scrabbling.

Remus's jaws snapped at Sirius's shoulder but he twisted away. They wrestled for a few moments, neither able to get the upper hand, and then Sirius managed to latch his jaws onto the back of Remus's neck and he threw the werewolf from him.

Remus yelped horribly and backed away down the grounds. At last he turned and fled into the forest, where James was waiting for him.

"Sirius! Oh god, Sirius?"

Kat's terrified shout cut through the sudden silence and Sirius turned away to trot back to her. She was stood clinging to the doorframe. Her hair had come loose from it's clip and was tangled around her face, a few leaves and bits of grass caught in it. Sirius didn't think he'd seen anything more beautiful.

He changed as he reached her and slipped his arm around her waist. "It's ok. I'm right here."

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"I'm ok. But let's get inside. Come on." He took her hand and led her through the entrance hall and up the wide marble steps. He tried the door of the first classroom they came to and pulled her inside.

They stood in silence for a long moment, both breathing heavily.

"Remus…he's…"

"Yeah…look, Kat, you can't say anything…to anyone…please."

She held out her hand for him and he took it. She squeezed his fingers.

"I swear. I won't breath a word."

The adrenaline was wearing off now and he suddenly felt exhausted, but worse, Kat was starting to shiver. He tugged his jumper over his head.

"Here, put this on. You're freezing."

She closed her fingers around it gratefully. As she pulled it down over her head she smiled and breathed in deeply.

"What was that?"

She blushed furiously. "I…you've worn the same aftershave for the last few years…it's nice…"

Sirius laughed. "You noticed huh? I didn't think you even knew I was there…"

It was Kat's turn to laugh. "I've always known you where there Sirius Black, you were the one who never noticed me."

"I've always noticed you. Ever since the first day at school. Back then I just thought you were the bravest girl I'd ever seen. Coming to Hogwarts – coping the way you did with everything. You never seemed to need anyone or anything. I wanted to be like you."

"What do you mean?" She was frowning, a tiny line between her arched eyebrows.

"I've always needed people…to tell me how great I am, how smart, and funny…and good looking. You never needed that."

She stepped closer to him, biting her lower lip slightly. "And now? You said 'back then' which sounds like your opinion of me has changed."

"Not changed. Just grown. Back then I only thought you were brave. Now I think you're beautiful."

Kat stepped away with a sigh. "I'm not beautiful…"

"How do you know?" He asked her with a hint of irritation. "Do you even know what you look like? You are stunning. Your hair," he reached out and stroked his fingers through the dark lock that fell forward over one shoulder. "Your skin…" his fingers trailed down her cheek. "Your…lips…" His fingertips brushed over her lips and he felt her tremble. She had closed her eyes. "You're perfect."

She opened her eyes slowly. It seemed for a moment as though she was looking right at him. He dropped his hand.

"I'm a long way from perfect…My whole life I've felt so alone. Behind these eyes I lived in a totally different world from everyone else. I was invisible. Then…you…you made the whole world see me. I still don't understand how everything changed."

Sirius took a deep breath. "Do you remember the Hogwarts Express at the start of the year?" He glanced at her and she nodded. "Well, I was on my way to meet the boys and I happened to glance through the window of your compartment. You were sat by the window. The sunlight was making your hair shine. You had your eyes closed and you looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I stood watching you for ages. I knew, in that moment, that I had to find a way to get close to you. I wanted to get to know you. So I made James and Remus come to your compartment, they complained, and James wound me up like you wouldn't believe, but they did it. I think James expected me to do the usual, throw out a few lines and have you eating out of my hand. But I couldn't do it. You're so different to all the other girls I know, you made me so nervous." Sirius laughed softly. "I'm never nervous around girls. James kept teasing me about it, and the more he teased me the worse it got."

"Sirius…"

"No, wait. I need you to understand everything. Remember Muggle Studies? James had been winding me up all night and all morning about you. And then in class I tried…well I tried to flirt with you. You turned round and asked me why exactly I was bothering to speak to you. You hit a nerve when you pointed out that I hadn't spoken to you in class before, and I retaliated. You should know, I've never felt sorry for you in my life. I admire you, I don't pity you."

Kat opened her mouth to speak again, but Sirius shushed her. "Then I saw you, out by the lake. Remus tried to attack you that night as well, but I managed to chase him off. But that night gave me hope, because even though I was in my dog form, the first name you said was mine. And I thought, maybe I stood a chance with you. So I made James invite all you girls to Hogsmeade with us. I figured that even though we'd be in a group I might have the chance to talk to you. In Honeydukes, Lucy switched with me and I thought everything was going perfect. Then you realised it was me guiding you round. You were so angry. I thought it was because of me. Because you hated me that much. Then, when I went after you, you told me to leave you alone. So I told myself that I had to give up on you. That you were never going to see me as anything other than the arrogant git everyone told you I was. Then I met you by the lake. You didn't know it was me, and you said…well you gave me hope again."

"But you asked Lucy to Slughorn's party…" Kat interrupted softly.

Sirius grimaced. "I know, I know. I was an idiot, I thought it might make you jealous…might make you react. I was the one who ended up being jealous though. I couldn't believe it when I saw you arrive with Remus. He hadn't even warned me that he'd invited you…I acted like a right prat."

"You did…" Kat agreed, but Sirius was pleased to see that she was smiling as she said it. "And then Christmas…?"

"I realised that the best thing I could do was be your friend. Anything else…well that would happen or it wouldn't…tonight though…I mean…"

Kat blushed slightly. "Lucy told me a few home truths. Her exact words where 'Sirius Black is crazy about you…deal with it'. I sat by the lake and I realised something. I think I'm pretty crazy about Sirius Black."

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn't believe it. "So…you and me…"

"There is just one thing," Kat said, holding up one hand to silence him. "I still don't know what you look like…"

"You want me to describe myself?" he asked with a chuckle, remembering the day in the grounds.

She shook her head. "Can I…?" She reached out one hand hesitantly and he caught it, bringing it to his cheek. She had closed her eyes again as her fingers traced the contours of his jaw, his cheekbones, and his nose before trailing down to his lips. They parted slightly at her touch and she smiled.

He couldn't help himself. He caught her hand again, holding it in place whilst he kissed each of her finger tips.

"Sirius…" Her voice was the softest whisper.

He bit his lip and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her close against him. He looked down into her upturned face.

"Kat Metcalfe, will you slap me if I kiss you right now?"

She shook her head. "Definitely not."

He grinned and ducked his head. The rest of the world seemed to fade away.

_THE END_

_So there we have it. All done. I hope you all enjoyed it. I hope the ending wasn't a disappointment. Look forward to hearing what you all think._

_My new story will be up sometime later tonight as well._

_One final thing. This was my first fanfic I've made public, and my reviewers have been so amazing. Thank you all so much._


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